Stop me if you have heard this one before.

Or lived this one before . . .

To a child, love was withheld and unconditional love was a thing with unending conditions. Love was only available for the obedient, so a child modifies their behavior to get the love need.

Some people call that “manipulation” but, more accurately, for a child it is called “survival”.

However, when a child is forced to modify behavior to gain love from their primary parent, it should be called abuse.

It’s a strong term – I know – but it is helpful in laying out the patterns that follow after unconditional love is withheld.

As adolescence and adults:

Gravitating towards individuals who expected nothing.

Feeling emotionally safe in the most defunct relationships.

Engaging in behaviors in direct conflict with personal morals and values.

The effects of abuse spread out like the limbs of a tree. Their origin is deeply rooted and the manifestations grow in a variety of shapes and directions. There is no way to unearth the roots without destroying the tree.

The only way to make peace with the past by acknowledging it.

Accepting it.

Moving through it.

As. Many. Times. And. As. Many. Ways. As. It. Appears . . . throughout my life.

No one can expect to break the cycle of dysfunction and abuse if they’re unwilling to acknowledge how it made them feel.

Or how it made them act.

And most importantly, what they need to do to not repeat the same behavior today.

Often, I am reminded by those around me that my life, my family, and how my husband and I raise our children is the exact definition of “breaking the cycle”.

I am grateful for that huge compliment. This is a place to hold space for those willing to break the cycle and gratitude for the incredible work it takes to do so.