Life is but a combination of fleeting moments strung together to create hours, days, years, and decades. As I sit next to my dying father, I am running through the combination of fleeting moments from our life together.

I remember less of what he said to me and more of how he made me feel.

In fact, in this moment, I feel a type of amnesia that can only come from the exhaustion of caring for the dying. Everyday life seems unimportant as I sit realizing that the everyday of life is the only thing that is important.

I am in day two of following his Living Will with no life sustaining assistance. The women of hospice are kind and thorough as they explain medications and doses needed for comfort. I take great care measuring milliliters and writing down the times each is administered.

My thoughts are measured in milliliters and tears, each moment more excruciating than the last. I kneel down next to his bed and I pray for strength. The strength to do what has to be done when it comes to the dying.

Stay present. Stay solemn. This is the end of my father’s life, and I will remember these moments forever. I have faith that this is the plan beyond what I can see and beyond what I could possibly know. God’s plan for my father on this earth is ending soon, and I want to do for him what I know he would do for me.

Little eyes are watching me walk through this incredibly painful time. As I administer his pain medication, this recovering woman is so blessed to be his caregiver and loving daughter. My children will remember that their mother, despite all odds, remained present for their Poppy as he traveled to the end of his life.