My friends with difficult sisters, I know you’ll understand.
My step-sister was angry and scared. Her mother and my father made a decision in May 2020 after 9 weeks of quarantine to see my children, their only grandchildren. Both were nearly 80, so it would stand to reason that seeing the children could be dangerous, and yet, all I could think of was the quote below:

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of” by Blaise Pascal

All three of us received her text at 8:30pm.

“What you all chose to do today was completely irresponsible and selfish. Count me out of your lives.” I reread it several times, unsure of what she meant by ‘count me out of your lives’.

I knew that she cared so much that she was willing to criticize whoever she felt was responsible for making her feel scared. My initial response was to return her fear with my anger. To be honest though, I believed the separation over quarantine was more difficult on my parents than on my children, and I didn’t want to put anymore stress on my parents. I thought of every possible response, none of which I choose to share. I thought of not responding at all, but that didn’t sit right with me either. She gave me pause.
So I prayed, and prayed, and prayed for a response to her text.

I paused out of self-preservation. I paused because I knew if I spoke out with anger, I would have to apologize for my words later. That is the way I am. I feel deeply, and people’s words effect me deeply. Also, I have been rash enough in my life to know that my first response isn’t usually the best one.

Pause.

Breathe.

I waited until the next morning to create my text back. I hit send feeling calm and clear in my heart.

“I know that your words come from a place of informed fear, anger, and a career of analyzing risk. I know that you care and are scared like most of the world. Please know that there was much discussion and contemplation before your Mom and my Dad physically saw their grandchildren. No play dates, parks, or playgrounds. No stores, school, or socializing for the 9th week now. I love you very much, and I am sorry that you feel our actions reflect irresponsibility or selfishness. We are adults too who can make informed decisions. I am so grateful to have a sister who cares as deeply as you do. We will all get through this together.”

I was pretty proud of that text and my ability to listen to the softer kinder voice in my heart, not the loud ego-filled one in my head. Funny thing though, after reading my text my dad called to tell me I should go into politics. He knew what it took for me text those words.

Unfortunately, she never read that text. She blocked my number. She blocked our parent’s phone numbers. She spent the next six months not speaking to them. We didn’t speak until my father was hospitalized in November 2020.

Our relationship will never be the same.

That is what COVID is doing to families.