My friends, if you are like me, certain inspirational sayings crawl right up your back when you’re not in the right state of mind to hear them.

Words can lose their meaning when I’m not in the right place to receive them, and yet, it doesn’t make their meaning any less true.

I am my best self when I, “Find joy in the journey,” for I understand that life is a journey. Where I am at is not the end. If I am in pain, this too shall pass. If I can find the joy, I can lessen the burden of life.

In this moment, I am searching for joy like a young child sifts through a patch of clovers looking for a single one with four leaves.

In this moment, the only joy I can find is the time I am taking to express how I am feeling, which is anything but joyful.

In this moment, my life is messy, and not in the homework, dirty laundry kind of way.

My life is messy because my father is coming home from the hospital on hospice care. His trip to the emergency room 10 weeks ago has turned into this, hospice. And the drama that has been thriving in his absence is embarrassing.

Find joy in the journey . . .

For me, there is no joy without faith and no faith without fear. I am afraid of my father dying, even though I know we all must die someday. I am afraid because I still have so many questions. There are full conversations I’ve wanted to have with him.

And yet, I have faith that everything will play out exactly as it should, conversations or not, we’ve spent every moment together that God intended.

And through faith, I find my journey. I am right where I am supposed to be with the people I am supposed to be with, and there is a sense of joy in that fact. A sense of peace and joy.